“Today Is….A Great Day For Dinner And A Movie”

Posted on May 8, 2015 by Tony Casson

Sorry to disappoint you, but there is no dinner, and there is no movie. But there is a brief visit to another ‘Scenic Turnout” as I work on a new series of articles.

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The ‘dinner’ is a poem I wrote while in prison. OK, the ‘poem’ is really the lyrics to a song, but since I have no way to convey the melody that bangs around in my head, you will simply have to ‘dine’ on the words. I will not say the words were given to me by God, but they most certainly were inspired by the relationship with Him that was growing stronger every day when I originally wrote the words below. That relationship continues to grow on a daily basis, of course. Perhaps a tune will come to mind while you read the words to:

 “Battle Lines”

When I walked out the door, the devil was standing there waiting;

With his dead, icy eyes He stared at me, anticipating;

I returned his cold stare and I asked what he wanted to do;

He said “I think you know I have come all this way just for you.”

I looked straight at him and I said, “I must ask you to leave.

You are powerless here, for it’s in Jesus Christ I believe.”

He threw back his head and he laughed, then he looked back at me;

“When I’m finished with you, your faith will be gone, you will see.”

(Chorus)

The lines have been drawn

 It’s to Jesus I’m sworn

To the Lord I’ll forever be true.

I will fight to the death

To my very last breath

I will never surrender to you.

 

With the battle lines drawn I’ve taken my stance, I’ll not waver;

With the armor of God the odds are all stacked in my favor.

The ice in his eyes was replaced with the fires of hell;

I have been there before I remember the pain very well.

We draw back our swords and we circle to start our slow dance;

My faith is so strong that the evil one hasn’t a chance.

(Chorus)

 

The lines have been drawn

 It’s to Jesus I’m sworn

To the Lord I’ll forever be true.

I will fight to the death

To my very last breath

I will never surrender to you.

 

Now the devil is gone and I stand in the Light of the Lord;

With the battle lines drawn I have won with God’s power in my sword.

If you doubt the Lord’s strength, just fall to your knees now and pray;

Draw the lines for yourself, God will make you the victor today.

(Chorus)

The lines have been drawn

 It’s to Jesus I’m sworn

To the Lord I’ll forever be true.

I will fight to the death

To my very last breath

I will never surrender to you.

I will fight to the death

To my very last breath

I will never surrender to you.

©2012 Tony Casson

The ‘movie’ is a stop in “TODAY IS….A Gift From God”. Reprinted here is another of my personal favorites. This one is on service to others:

December 12

TODAY IS…

an excellent day to stop looking.

“Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing…”

James 2:15 NLT

How many of us have stood in front of an open refrigerator, staring at its contents long enough to draw the attention of parents or spouse and then closed the door and walked away? Certainly, if we haven’t done it ourselves, we know someone who has.

How many of us look at life in the same manner? We stare at it, seeing all of the pain, hunger, homelessness, hopelessness, and need and then “close the door” and go back to our televisions, video games, or computer screens. How often do we do something mindless, or nothing at all, because we are bored? Like standing in front of the refrigerator staring at 25 cubic feet of food and saying, “There is nothing to eat,” we look at a world with 7 billion souls and say, “There is nothing to do.”

God can help us see what we are looking at. God can help us become people who will turn to other people and say, “There is so much to do, won’t you please help?”

An attitude of service to others is very much in keeping with the teachings of Christ. Jesus’ brother James, who at one time found it difficult to even believe that Jesus was the Messiah, ultimately came to not only believe in Christ, but he also came to understand that along with that belief came a changing of the heart that would not only help us see those who are hungry, homeless, and in need, but would also make us very aware that seeing is not enough.

“What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone?” (James 2:14 NLT).

Would we even want to be saved by a faith that allowed us to remain unseeing to the plight of those around us?

If we are truly people of faith, we will be so busy happily serving other people and looking for ways to help people to help themselves, that boredom will be a word long forgotten. Apathy will be something we fight instead of a term that can be used in a description of us.

All we have to do is call out to our Lord Jesus and ask Him to show us how to help. All we have to do is be willing to serve others with joy and in the name of Jesus Christ and we will never again stand in front of the refrigerator and say, “There is nothing to eat.” Not only will we see the food, we will see those with whom we should share it.

 

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“Perfect Prison Steps”

Posted on May 1, 2015 by Tony Casson

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” 

2 Corinthians 3:17 NIV

In talking with someone recently, I referred to my time at Oakdale FCI as ‘the perfect prison experience’. There was a brief look of surprised confusion that preceded the request to, “Explain that please.”

There is a somewhat cynical, yet broad public perception that ‘everyone’ in prison ‘finds God’. There are those, of course, who try to pose as having undergone a spiritual enlightenment, feeling that it will look good in their file. While in Oakdale, I didn’t try to determine whose faith was real and whose was posturing. That was revealed soon enough through their words and by their actions. Even when it was obvious there was a lack of genuine faith, it was still not my place to judge or comment. But even though there were a few who would fall into that group, most inmates didn’t bother to ‘fake faith’. The majority of people in prison are simply ‘doing time’.

There were those, of course, who actually had been brought to their knees by the lifestyle that caused them to be in prison in the first place. Those were the individuals who realized that prison afforded them the opportunity to focus on a relationship with Christ, and those who had actually waved their own “White Flag“ and surrendered to Him, made an important discovery: That there was freedom inside the confines of the fences surrounding the prison, and that freedom was what contributed to making my experience ‘perfect’.

Those who were posturing obviously didn’t really have faith, “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.”  (Hebrews 11:6 ESV)

The reward for me was the experience I had while I was in prison that I would come to call ‘perfect’. The reward for taking those steps necessary to seek God was having my eyes opened wide and finally learning to see outside of myself and the selfish, self-centered, self-destructive lifestyle and behavior that kept me a prisoner to sin. While my body may have been free for 56 years, my spirit was enslaved by my willingness to cover up the humiliation and pain of my youth letting satan guide my steps rather than taking refuge in God and letting Him be my guide.

As the years in prison wore on, the track in the prison recreation yard became a place of worship and praise. God was present with me and all those I walked with. He was a part of most conversations that took place as men who had exhibited an egregious disregard for decency struggled to take steps to a life that would offer them renewal and restoration, things which can come only from God.

We took the steps necessary to claim the promise that, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) If anyone wanted – indeed, needed – to be ‘new’, it was those of us who had betrayed decency, and taking the steps illuminated by God brought us closer to being those new men some of us sought to be.

In addition to the positive influence of the time spent walking on the ‘track’, I had the relative peace and solitude of my cell in Allen Unit. It was there, sitting at my desk while my ‘cellie’ was at work, that some of the biggest ‘steps’ were taken. It was there that I began writing “The Oakdale Chronicles”, and “TOC” was where I took my first tentative steps towards publicly proclaiming my faith.

That is not an easy thing to do for someone who started out as far away from God as I did when I began my journey, but slowly I became more comfortable and more confident. The time I spent sitting outside that cell in the mornings praying and reading the Bible contributed to that comfort and confidence. In addition, asking God to help me understand how I could drift so far from Him and allow myself to be used for my own destruction eventually gave me “TODAY IS….A Gift From God” as an answer.

The book itself was never written with any expectations of being a national bestseller (Although there wouldn’t be anything wrong with that). Instead, it is a vivid demonstration of how we can build a relationship with God and how He will help us to use the Bible to guide our lives here on earth if we will only give Him the opportunity!

The book gives glory to our great God and holds up His amazing power to do wonderful things within us when we allow Him free reign and, in doing so, deny it to satan, who has had it for so long and who used that free reign so effectively against us. His power, put to work within us, gives us the ability to take each and every step that is required to follow the path to eternal freedom.

I would never want to live my life in a manner which could cause me to go back to Oakdale FCI, or a place like it. At the same time, it is almost impossible for me to adequately describe the perfect prison experience that my steps there provided me with. Of course, if you find that you are in a prison of sin, you can follow those steps I have outlined and allow God to reward you with freedom from that prison.

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“Taking Significant Steps”

Posted on April 28, 2015 by Tony Casson

“And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.”

Matthew 14:28-29 ESV

Getting out of that boat was a very significant step for Peter. The steps you and I take may never seem to reach that level of significance, but the steps we take are important nonetheless.

At Oakdale FCI, there was a fellow inmate named Jack Wilson who was from Shreveport. Jack was quite short, but then, so were many people from Louisiana. At least it seemed that way.  He worked in the dining hall in various capacities for most of the 5+ years he was there, and developed a habit that earned him the nickname “Walkin’ Jack’.

Our prison ‘rec’ yard had a concrete track which was roughly 1/3 mile long. When Jack was not in the dining hall or sleeping, he was walking around the track. I mean he was always walking around the track. People would join him for 5 laps; maybe even 10. For 30 minutes; some, even an hour. One thing was certain, though: Jack would outlast them all. If you wanted to find Jack, he was out on the track, walking.

Hence the nickname. But you already guessed that, right?

Jack not only walked, and walked, and walked, he kept track of his mileage, and by the time he was released, several months before I was, he had logged over 20,000 miles!

That was a lot of miles, and it took a lot of steps to reach that plateau. According to “The Walking Site”, it takes about 2,000 steps to walk one mile. Using that number, ‘Walkin’ Jack’ took over 40 million steps just while walking the track to kill time before his release.

I did not walk 20,000 miles while I was at Oakdale, but I did spend a good amount of time walking that track. On occasion I even walked with Jack.

I never came close to being able to go the distance with him, but I did take a number of significant steps after arriving at Oakdale to self-surrender and begin my term on April 1, 2010. The first steps I took were from the freedom of the parking lot into the controlled and confined interior of the prison itself.

oakdale-prison-2jpeg-1edc547f2b19ae0dTaking that final step through the unassuming front door (shown above and marked #1 on the map below), I entered the place in which my little steps of faith would grow by leaps and bounds. After a rather somber goodbye to my brother, Jim, I got my first glimpse of the men who would control much of my life for the next 4+ years.

After a few preliminaries I was brought to Receiving & Discharge (R&D) where I was processed in and then delivered to the Special Holding Unit (SHU – #2 on the map) where I would spend the first five days of my incarceration under medical segregation. All individuals surrendering from ‘the street’ were administered TB tests and held in the SHU.

Oakdale FCI 3

On Tuesday, April 6, I was released from the SHU to become a part of the general population and I began the walk to Allen Unit (#3 on the map). Those steps were among the most difficult I have ever taken in my life, as I walked towards uncertainty with my mind working overtime trying to stay focused on God. But it was early in my relationship with Him and it was difficult to suppress the apprehension that filled me.

The full story of that walk, and my introduction into my new ‘home’ can be found by clicking on the above link to the original “Oakdale Chronicles”, going to April 2010 in the archives, and reading the first several very short posts.

It was late in the afternoon when I was released from the SHU, and I would not meet anyone with whom I would feel safe until the next day. It was the next day as well, that I would move into the cell where I would remain for the duration of my stay. Cell #208,-U, the ‘U’ designating the upper bunk in a two man cell. As it turned out, Wednesday would also be my commissary day, so I was able to obtain some of the things that helped to make prison life more comfortable.

Among the items purchased were shorts and athletic shoes. These would prove to be well-used items over time, as I also discovered the track in the recreation area (#4 on the map), which was known as the ‘rec’ yard.

In “The Crumbs On The Path”, an article I posted here on April 7, I wrote about the importance of the discovery I made, while walking on that track, of my own personal “Golgotha”, a group of three old wooden power poles that stood together and resembled the three crosses where Christ was crucified along with the two robbers. The actual spot where those ‘crosses’ stood, outside the fence, is shown as #5 on the map. If you look closely at the first inset photo (double-clicking on the photo will enlarge it), you can see shadows cast by the poles and it then becomes easy to see where the inspiration for the drawing comes from.

What a blessing it was to be provided on an almost daily basis with such a powerful reminder of the freedom that is ours if we are only willing to take the steps necessary to attain it!

One of the most significant steps we take on the path to that freedom is taken when we pray, read the Holy Bible, and meditate on what we have read. In our lives here on earth, it is necessary to draw our strength to cope with the daily struggles and challenges of that life by taking those steps on a daily basis.

In prison, it is even more important, but it is also easier since we have the time, if we choose to use it to develop a relationship with God and if we will only take advantage of His ability to direct our steps.

I took advantage of that ability.

Those individuals who are fortunate enough to be allowed to walk up to the front door of a prison and self-surrender are allowed to enter with a Bible. I did not know this, so the Bible my sister bought for me remained at her house with all of my other belongings. Immediately after moving into Allen Unit, I had my brother-in-law, Larry, send me a new Bible (hardcover books had to come directly from the publisher). Below is a picture of my “Life Application” study Bible, my “One Year” Bible, and “Streams In The Desert”, a very old and well-known daily devotional book by L.B. Cowman which my sister recommended to me, and which would become the inspiration for my own daily devotional book, “TODAY IS….A Gift From God”.

Also shown are a copy of “Our Daily Bread” which I obtained quarterly from the prison chapel, and another devotional called “The Word For You Today”, which was sent in by my friend Diane. She actually sent several copies which were distributed to my closest friends.

Learning To Love God 3

Those items became as important to me on a daily basis as breathing was. Almost without fail, I began each day thanking God for the gift of another new day, and asking Him for wisdom and understanding in what I was about to read. Using the “One Year” Bible format, I was able to read the Bible completely just over four times while incarcerated. With the “Life Application” study Bible, I was able to learn how to apply what I was reading to my daily life. And with the daily devotions I read, I was exposed to different perspectives, thoughts, and things to meditate on.

Each book provided me with significant daily steps on my path to freedom, and as you can see from the picture below, those books were well-used.

Learning To Love God 2

Whether we find ourselves living in penal institutions due to lives lived in willful disobedience to God, or whether we wake up each morning in our homes, it is important that our steps include reading the Word of God and meditating on its meaning.

There is a blog I follow titled “Messy Jesus Business”, and this ‘messy Jesus business’ can be quite confusing to those of us whose steps are like those of a small child beginning to walk. Those steps are tentative and unsure, unsteady and wobbly. But whether we take them in prison, or in our homes, we must take them daily.

They are important steps. They are joyful steps. They are reassuring steps.

And they are among the most significant steps we will ever take.

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“The Gift Of This Day”

Posted on April 24, 2015 by Tony Casson

 “On the day I called, you answered me;
    my strength of soul you increased.”  

Psalm 138:3 ESV

On the menu bar above, there is a link to my book of daily devotions, “TODAY IS….A Gift From God”. I was speaking about that book with someone who volunteers at Central Union Mission recently, and I was trying to explain exactly what the book represents to me.

“TODAY IS….”, is a deeply personal work in which my relationship with God grew and flourished, and continues to do so today. I like to think there are things to be found within its pages that can benefit us all, but if nothing else it is my attempt to share those personal moments with God that I experienced as I sought answers from Him to questions about how I should have done things, how I should have lived my life and how He could have saved me a lot of time, trouble and turmoil had I only called upon Him sooner.

While this entry into these “Chronicles” is a slight diversion from the actual “Path to Freedom” that constitutes the overarching purpose for this blog, I pray you will all view what is offered here as being similar to a ‘scenic turnout’ which we have all pulled into on our way to a particular destination. While continuing on our journey would have helped us arrive sooner, the momentary pause enhances the overall experience of the journey itself.

Perhaps an occasional stop in “Scenic Turnouts” to explore the pages of “TODAY IS….A Gift From God” will serve a similar purpose.

Our first ‘turnout’ provides us with a look at a poem I wrote, which is found in the front of the book. I think the poem itself describes the purpose of the book perfectly. I hope you enjoy it.

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‘TODAY IS’

Today is a gift from God,

A day unlike all the rest;

A brand new opportunity

To bring out our very best.

Today is a wondrous thing;

A day full of life on God’s earth;

A day to invest all our love

To make today something of worth.

Today is a chance to inspire,

To worship, to lead, to teach;

To help others searching for truth,

And to show them how high they can reach.

Tony Casson ©2013

Each day truly is a gift from God, full of opportunities to honor Him, to serve Him, and to glorify Him. Each entry in the book attempts to give God glory by demonstrating how the wisdom of the Holy Bible can be used to live lives that show our love for Him by loving others, helping those who cannot help themselves, and by looking to His Word for guidance in living our lives in the manner that all children of God should strive to live.

Our next ‘turnout’ gives us a view of one of my favorite devotions. For no particular reason, it falls on August 14. While I believe all of us can be found in this particular day’s offering, rest assured that I fall into the category of one who allowed everything to be stolen by Satan. While I pray none of you falls into that particular category as well, rest assured, if you do, it is ok. God knows and He can help.

I hope you enjoy it.

August 14

TODAY IS…

the perfect day to take back what has been stolen from us.

“The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.” Romans 16:20a NIV

Every single one of us has had something stolen from us by Satan. No one has escaped except for Christ. We all have given in to temptation and we all have sinned and every time we have sinned, we have allowed Satan to take something else from us.

We have been his willing victims.

He has stolen dignity from some of us. From others, he has stolen decency. He has stolen our faithfulness to our spouses and our faith in God. He has stolen our truthfulness, and he has stolen our integrity. We have let him slip away in the darkness with our morality, and we have let him get away unnoticed with our kindness. He has pocketed our happiness, and smashed the windows to our souls and left the space empty. He has cheated us out of our love for ourselves, leaving us unable to love anyone else. He has conned us out of our certainty, leaving us with our doubts.

When we weren’t looking he walked away with our compassion, and left disdain in its place. While he distracted us with self-indulgence, he swiped our desire to help others and replaced it with selfishness. He has stolen our tolerance while trying to convince us that hostility and impatience were better suited to our personalities.

He has stolen our sight, making it impossible to see the pain of others and he has taught us to lie, cheat, and steal while we have hungrily pursued the education.

More than likely, what Satan has stolen from you is somewhere on this list. If not, it needs to be added, because everyone has lost something. Some of us have lost more than one thing, and perhaps more than a few have lost it all. He will try to prevent you from calculating your exact losses. He will try to cloud your judgment, distract you, or take something else from you. He pretends to be the best friend you ever had, but he is – in reality – the biggest danger you have ever faced. He will suck everything good out of you until there is nothing left but your last breath and then he will take that as well.

But the Good News is that today is not going to be like yesterday. Today we are going to take it all back. God has been waiting for today for a very long time, and He is glad that it is here. We must reach out and ask God to take our hand and tell Him we want everything Satan has stolen from us. Today is the perfect day to take it all back, and God is the Perfect One to help us all get it.

From “TODAY IS….A Gift From God”; Tony Casson; ©2013

Well, I hope you enjoyed our little “scenic turnouts”. Until next time, when we continue taking one of our “Thousand First Steps”, may God bless you all and keep you safe.

 

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“A Thousand First Steps”

Posted on April 20, 2015 by Tony Casson

“The simple believes everything,
    but the prudent gives thought to his steps.”  

Proverbs 14:15 ESV

At the end of the previous post, I announced that “I had found the foot of the stairs, and I was about to begin climbing them.”

Things didn’t happen exactly that way, and certainly not that quickly.

I was excited, for sure, but then the reality of my situation set in. The weight of the legal problems I faced seemed to have the potential to crush me. The bright red freshness of the scars on my neck, which I saw each time I looked in the mirror, were reminders that my suicide attempt and subsequent arrest had finally stripped the blinders completely off and revealed the stunning fact that my entire life – all 56 years of it to that point –  had been lived with no real purpose other than an apparent ultimate goal of self-destruction which had almost been achieved. Those scars would eventually come to mean something entirely different to me. At my baptism on February 15, I announced to the congregation of Capitol Hill Baptist Church that, “These days, when I look in a mirror, the scars on my neck serve as a reminder how far away from God our disobedience can lead us.”

But that day in 2015 was still a long way off.

In August of 2009, although I was alive, things still looked pretty bleak and I thought about the ‘stairs’ I had to climb and just how many there were. The situation I was in, and the events of the previous week, combined to momentarily overwhelm me. Even though I should have probably just taken the first step and begun to climb the staircase, in actuality the first thing I did was to sit down and think about recent events. In addition, negative thoughts about the way I had lived – indeed, wasted – most of my life were given way too much prominence in my mind and I momentarily turned my back on the steps that needed to be taken and I was feeling more than a little lost and alone.

Don’t get me wrong. I was elated to be in possession of the knowledge that my life had been saved through what I somehow knew was the direct intervention of God. Even in the earliest moments of my new-found faith, this was one salient fact that was never in doubt. From the moment I opened my eyes in Jackson Memorial Hospital and realized that I was not, in fact, dead, I knew that God was responsible. Unfortunately this knowledge, rather than immediately putting me at ease and providing me with comfort, presented me with an entirely new set of problems to address which were summed up in the question I asked my sister after receiving the gift of the Bible she sent to me: “Now what do I do with it?”

“Read it.”

That is the simplified version of my sister’s response and it does, in fact, lie at the very center of building a relationship with God, learning the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and discovering how those things can change our lives on earth and provide us with eternal life in God’s Kingdom.

But those revelations would come later, because for the moment, in spite of the basic wisdom of my sister’s response, I still found it necessary to ask myself, “Really, what am I supposed to do with it?”

the-journey-of-a-thousand-miles-begins-with-a-single-step-quote-2

We have all seen this, heard this, and said this. The significance of the statement is most often minimized, but it really does represent one of those basic, inescapable, and important truths of life: Whether it is a journey, a task, a flight of stairs, or a walk across the country, we will never arrive at the completion of whatever it may be if we fail to begin. To begin, we must take the first step.

Once we take the first step, we discover that there is no such thing as a ‘second step’ or a ‘third step’. There are only a thousand first steps, for each step we have taken becomes part of our past and the journey we are on begins anew.

For me, at that time in late August of 2009, one first step was to take comfort from the way my new Bible felt in my hands and to stumble through the unfamiliar territory of words that would, over the course of the next several years, come to represent all of the answers I ever sought, and provide me with all of the wisdom I could ever seek. A new life had been given to me and I wanted to know why. I instinctively knew that the answer to that question lay in the written words that, at the time, made me so uncomfortable.

Becoming comfortable was not anywhere near as sudden as the discovery of my new-found faith in God. I struggled for the entire 8 months in which I remained free while awaiting resolution to my criminal case. While the specifics of that resolution was uncertain, one things was not: Prison was most definitely in my future. My hope was that prison could be avoided, and my first attempts at a prayer life were filled with requests for that to be the case, but it eventually began to sink in that God had a different plan for me than the one I thought I wanted.

Once I accepted the reality of the immediate future, I looked to God for the courage, strength, and wisdom to face what I needed to face and to do it in a manner that would help me to grow in my faith. As God had planned, it was while in prison that I  would learn to be prudent and give thought to the steps I was taking as I made the Word of God the Light that lit my path and the source of the ‘spiritual breadcrumbs’ I would discover along the way.

And it is in prison that we will examine some of those ‘thousand first steps’ which led me away from the floor of that bloody shower stall to this new life that is a remarkable example of God’s mercy, grace, forgiveness, and love.

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“At The Bottom Of The Staircase”

Posted on April 14, 2015 by Tony Casson

MLK First Step(Author’s note, 3/15/19 – This article was updated to correct the newsletter link at the bottom. It was the first in a series. If you never read it, you may find it interesting. The rest of the articles are archived under “A Thousand First Steps”)

Following my nearly successful suicide attempt I was hospitalized for a week.*

After being brought to Jackson Memorial Hospital in Hollywood, FL, the self-inflicted wounds to both sides of my neck were sutured and I spent the better part of 24 hours in the Intensive Care Unit before being moved to a regular hospital room for another day. I was then brought to the psychiatric ward, which was in a secure part of the hospital and was used to house people who presented a danger to themselves.

Initially, I was held for three days according to the provisions of the “Baker Act”, which allowed people in Florida who had made attempts on their lives to be placed in such a secure environment for ‘observation’.  I was kept an additional 2 days while waiting for the ‘staples’ to be removed from my neck. Throughout those 5 days, I spent much time in reflection on the events leading up to my being where I was. I was also engaged in multiple conversations throughout each day with a steady stream of counselors and mental health professionals. The objective of each conversation was to determine whether what I had attempted to do to myself was likely to be repeated, or if it was an ‘aberration’.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had taken the first step on my “Path To Freedom” when I raised my ‘white flag’ in surrender as I lay on the shower floor approaching certain death.

Although it would be some time before I would begin to consciously recognize the ‘bread crumbs’ I wrote about in an earlier post, I had opened up the lines of communication with God when I asked Him to forgive me for the way I had lived my life. As a result of that request, I had begun to hear God’s voice. No, I did not actually hear Him speaking, but I had awakened something inside of me that I could not fully understand yet.

I hadn’t even actually started to pray yet. At least, not in any sort of deliberate manner. I mean, at that time I still had no idea what it really meant to pray, but I instinctively knew that things would be different now that I had asked God for forgiveness, and I was determined to figure out what I was supposed to do next.

Seven days after entering the hospital I was released to the custody of two FBI agents who placed me under arrest and transported me to the Broward County Jail in Ft. Lauderdale to await an appearance before a federal judge the next morning.

Even though the mental health professionals at Jackson Memorial Hospital had released me, after a daylong process of being ‘booked’, I was placed, naked, into an observation room in the jail. I was provided with two ‘vests’ made of quilted material similar to that found in blankets used for moving furniture. The room was bare except for a thin mattress on the floor. I laid on one of the vests and covered my nakedness with the other. It was cold in the cell even though it was August in south Florida. It was late, and I was tired, but every time sleep mercifully approached, someone entered the cell noisily to ‘check’ on me, effectively keeping me awake and ensuring that I would be uncomfortable.

When morning finally arrived, I was brought breakfast, which consisted of a Styrofoam container which held what appeared to be a loaf of bread. I later learned that it was something called a ‘breakfast loaf’ and. although it looked appealing, it was one of the most disgusting things I have ever tasted. Horrid, actually. Made from ground up whatever-was-laying-around-the-kitchen (literally, to include the floor, I think), it could only have been designed as a form of punishment, that is how vile it was.

Gut instinct told me I was being treated this way because of the nature of my charges, not because anyone actually perceived I presented a danger to myself or anyone else. After all, I would not have been released to the FBI in the first place had there been fears I would make another attempt on my life. The  agents who retrieved me in the morning seemed surprised and, oddly, embarrassed upon learning of my overnight accommodations.

Despite the inconvenience, discomfort, and humiliation brought on by the practices at the jail, I was accepting of it all and at peace internally. God was already at work, and although the awareness of His presence was most certainly not a particularly conscious thought back then, I realize now that the Holy Spirit was beginning to occupy more space within me and was somehow reassuring me that I no longer had anything to fear.

Once in court, I was introduced to the man who would become my lawyer, a federal public defender. We spoke very briefly and when the magistrate we stood before announced I would be released with nothing more than my signature as collateral, he expressed amazement.

This I did recognize as a miracle.

As one who had made a nearly successful attempt on his own life, I should have been remanded to custody with no bail. My attorney thought I was just ‘very lucky’. I knew that luck had nothing to do with it any more than it had to do with me being discovered on the shower floor before I had died. God was at work.

I was stunned at how quickly I found myself out in the Florida sunshine, free to go where I wished. Certainly there was awareness that I still had to answer for my behavior, but I had the ability to move about while my fate was being decided.

This was a precious gift from God, and I recognized it as such.

I made my way back to the motel I had tried to leave in such a violent, and permanent, manner. The grisly, bloody mess I had left behind in the bathroom had been mercifully cleaned up and after I said a tearful hello and offered my thanks to those who were left to do the cleaning, I took refuge in my room to gather my thoughts.

Soon after, I retrieved my phone from the motel office. It was not very long before I found myself talking with my sister Kathy, who lived in Virginia. In the course of the conversation I asked her if she would send me a Bible. She said she would be happy to and it arrived a couple of days later.

It had a soft, grey leather cover and it felt wonderful in my hands. I held it and looked at it with the same wonder one would feel holding a newborn child for the first time:  I knew I was holding something special, but had not the first clue what to do next.

I called my sister, thanked her for sending it to me and asked her, “Now what do I do with it?”

I had found the foot of the stairs, and I was about to begin climbing them.

(*Author’s Note: See article in Central Union Mission newsletter)

 

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“The Crumbs On The Path”

Posted on April 7, 2015 by Tony Casson

“And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground.”  Isaiah 42:16 ESV

J. Paul Getty once said, “If you look after the pennies, the dollars will take care of themselves.” This means that we take care of the big things by paying attention to the little things – the details.

And who is more detail-oriented than the one who created everything? If our eyes are open to the victory won for us on the cross by Christ, we constantly marvel at the world that our great God created.

The majesty of  mountains takes our breath away,

God's Creation

we are mesmerized by the power and splendor of the oceans He created,

Pacific_ocean_5

our bodies shake at the roaring of powerful waterfalls,

God's Creation 2

and He reveals the universe to us in indescribably beautiful ways.

Pillars of Creation

But this is not where the awesome power and sovereignty of God is best displayed, for He orchestrates His symphony of creation down to the smallest detail, and it is in the little things where we can best appreciate His work.

From the delicate perfection of a butterfly,

Butterfly-2

to the perfectly balanced life surrounding a coral reef,

Tropical-Harmony-tropical-harmony-fish-sea-ocean-underwater-1600x1200

to the incredible array of creatures roaming the surface of the earth,

Giraffes_African_Friends_1MD

God looks after ‘the pennies’.

Sometimes, after we are finally compelled to wave our ‘white flag’ (see: “Raising The White Flag”), we begin to expect spectacular miracles to take place in our lives. Many of us fail to recognize that our very lives are miracles. Once we acknowledge this simple fact, we are then better able to understand how the miracle which is our life contains a litany of details which could only be managed by someone of indescribable power.

And it is in those details where we find His trail of ‘spiritual breadcrumbs’. It is by identifying, and following, these spiritual breadcrumbs that we are able to stay on the path to freedom. We must open our eyes to the existence of these ‘crumbs’ in order for us to fully appreciate the awesome power of God. The Bible tells us, repeatedly, how detail-oriented God is: “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.” (Matthew 10: 29-30 ESV)

My own eyes were finally opened to the trail of ‘crumbs’ in my life while in federal prison. I began to notice things around me, as if I were seeing for the very first time. In a sense, I was, for my new relationship with – and reliance upon – God caused the eyes of my heart to open and allowed the eyes in my head to see things differently.

I began to see God’s hand in everything around me. I recognized individuals as being placed in my path by God, for His purpose. The manner in which my prison life unfolded was such that I was able to feed my growing need for knowledge of God’s Word. The cell I was placed in and the person I wound up with as a roommate – ‘cellie’ in prison jargon – was an individual who helped me along the path. (Author’s note: Read about him in “Letters To Heaven: In Memory Of Peter Becker”)

Even walking in the recreation yard, my eyes were opened to the presence of God and the victory won on the cross by Jesus. I saw old wooden power poles that appeared to me as a reminder of His sacrifice and I shared that vision with others. One friend of mine, Richard Roy, enlisted the aid of another inmate named Will Mattingly to use his artistic talent to draw a depiction of what I saw:

Through-the-Eyes-of-the-Heart-845x1024 vers 2

I titled the drawing “Through The Eyes Of The Heart” and published an article called “With Eyes Wide Open” in the original “Oakdale Chronicles”.

Following are excerpts from that article:

“With the newly opened eyes of my heart, the fences became transparent and the transformers and power lines disappeared. What I DID see was Jesus Christ hanging from the center cross looking down at me. What I DID see was a man taking the burden of my sins, and the sins of every other person in the world, and replacing that burden with freedom.

With the eyes of my heart, I could see what had been missing in my life. I could see forgiveness for what I had done wrong and I could see what I needed to do to correct those things. I could see the pain that I caused others, and I could see the pain that others caused me, and I could see the pain in the eyes of Jesus as He implored me to give all of that pain to HIM.

I could see the look of suffering on His face as He relieved me of my burden, but at the same time, I could feel His joy at the knowledge that His suffering was not in vain.

Now, with the eyes of my heart wide open, I could see the future and the hope that had been promised to ME. I could see that I was now truly free to do the RIGHT thing, for the RIGHT reason, and in the RIGHT way. I was now free to rid my heart of the darkness that had filled it so completely for so many years and replace it with the light that comes with the unshakeable faith I now had that no matter where I might walk from that day forward, I would never be alone, I did not need to be afraid, and I would never be without purpose.

I began to realize that I was no longer in prison at all. In fact, from that moment forward, I was more free than I had ever been in my life.”

and,

“God has opened wide the eyes of my heart, and He can open YOURS as well. With our eyes wide open we can see many things we could not see before: We can see hope; we can see peace, happiness, joy, love, and forgiveness; we can see the goodness that lives and breathes all around us. And with our eyes wide open we can also see the hunger, the pain, the suffering, and the desperation of other people. But these are not bad things to see, because once our eyes are open, we can also see our place in God’s plan to HELP those who are afflicted. Seeing our place will allow us to take the action necessary to improve the condition of our brothers and sisters who are all God’s children.

And THIS, my friends, is freedom.”

Things happen in our lives everyday that many people attribute to ‘coincidence’, ‘chance’, ‘good luck’, or ‘bad luck’. More than likely, all of those things are attributable to God and what is necessary for us to steadfastly follow the path to freedom without straying off of it is to constantly look at everything around us because the people we meet, the situations we encounter, and the things we see all contain the details that are God’s spiritual breadcrumbs for us to follow.

Today is a good day to start looking after your ‘pennies’.

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“Raising The White Flag”

Posted on March 31, 2015 by Tony Casson

“But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Corinthians 15:57 ESV)

There is a tendency to associate ‘surrendering’ with ‘losing’ or being a ‘loser’. While this certainly might be a proper viewpoint when discussing the outcome of warfare between two armies, it is definitely not the case when we talk about surrendering to the victory won by Jesus Christ when He died on the cross.

Considering the death of anyone by crucifixion on a cross as a ‘victory’ might seem a difficult concept to embrace. Indeed, it certainly would have been for me not too many years ago had I stopped to consider it at all, but understanding the full impact of that statement is crucial to illuminating our own personal path to freedom.

Even though it is not the death of Christ by itself that secured us this victory, His brutal death set the stage for what would prove to be a turning point in the history of mankind. After the Roman soldiers determined Jesus was truly dead,  his bloody, lifeless body was removed from the cross and placed inside a tomb. Three days later Jesus was raised from the dead by God, and it is the combination of Jesus’ dying and being raised up from the dead that secured victory for all of mankind. However, understanding exactly what that victory was and what it means to each one of us individually is difficult for many to understand.

The Gospel Of Jesus Christ lays out that victory and is stated by my church quite simply:

“The Gospel is the joyous declaration that God is redeeming the world through Christ and that He calls everyone everywhere to repent from sin and trust Jesus Christ for salvation.

Each of us has sinned against God, breaking His law and rebelling against His rule, and the penalty for our sin is death and hell. But because of His love, God sent His Son, Jesus, to live, for His people’s sake, the perfect, obedient life God requires and to die on the cross in our place for our sin.

On the third day, Christ rose bodily from the grave and now reigns in heaven, offering forgiveness, righteousness, resurrection, and eternal blessedness in God’s presence to everyone who repents of sin and trusts solely in Him for salvation.”

In the Garden of Gethsemane, shortly before being betrayed by Judas, Jesus was telling His disciples about what would soon take place and  “After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed: ‘Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. 2 For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. 3 Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. 4 I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do.'”  (John 17:1-4  NIV)

In my book, “Today Is….A Gift From God”, I state that I am ‘not a pastor, preacher, minister, priest, or biblical scholar ‘, and I am certainly none of those things. I am simply a man whose eyes began to open to the meaning of that victory, and an understanding of Christ’s ‘finished work’, on a beautiful morning in August of 2009 which began in a particularly ugly way.

I had lived for 40 years in willful disobedience to God (although I had yet to learn and acknowledge this), angry with Him for allowing life on earth to exist the way it did, full of personal pain and sorrow as well as the pain and suffering of those around me; people I knew as well as those I would never meet. Since I was never taught to turn to Christ when I was in need of comfort, strength, compassion, love, or support, at the age of 14 I learned instead to turn to alcohol as a way of lessening the pain of growing up. Followed closely by my discovery of the pain-numbing ability of drugs at the age of 16, the stage was now set for what would follow over the next 40 years.

Living a selfish, self-centered, and self-destructive lifestyle where drug and alcohol abuse were a significant component of daily life led me to a seedy, sleazy, rundown motel in south Florida where, on the morning of August 18, 2009, the full effects of my sinful life came crashing down on me and I made a nearly successful attempt on my life.

Lying on the floor of the shower stall in my room of that motel, bleeding from self-inflicted wounds to both sides of my neck, I finally ‘raised the white flag’ and surrendered. Granted, the full life-giving, life-changing impact of what transpired there would take some time to reveal itself to me, but the effects were immediate.

I should not be alive today, and it is only through the finished work of Christ on the cross, and the victory He won for us all that I survived the attack on myself and am able to write these words.

That victory made it possible for the four words I finally whispered as I hovered near death to be heard by God. Those four words were, “God, please forgive me.”

It is amazing how quickly God responds when we finally raise the white flag and surrender ourselves to His victory. In my case, I was found by individuals who should not have found me until long after I was dead. I was transported to a hospital where I awoke the next morning. While I am still very new in my relationship with God, I knew who had saved me the instant I opened my eyes and I have devoted my life to growing in my relationship with Him ever since.

There is a beautiful hymn titled “It Is Well With My Soul”, and I recently discovered the awe-inspiring story behind that hymn:

Horatio Spafford (1828-1888) was a wealthy Chicago lawyer with a thriving legal practice, a beautiful home, a wife, four daughters and a son. Spafford was  a devout Christian and his circle of friends included Dwight L. Moody other well-known Christians of the day.

At the height of his financial and professional success, Horatio and his wife Anna suffered the tragic loss of their young son. Shortly thereafter on October 8, 1871, the Great Chicago Fire destroyed almost every real estate investment that Spafford had.

In 1873, Spafford scheduled a boat trip to Europe to give his wife and daughters a much-needed vacation and time to recover from the tragedy. He was to join Moody on an evangelistic campaign in England. Faced with some unexpected last-minute business, Spafford sent his wife and daughters ahead of him while he remained in Chicago. Several days later he received notice that his family’s ship had been involved in a collision.

All four of his daughters drowned; only his wife had survived.

With a heavy heart, Spafford boarded a boat that would take him to his grieving Anna in England and it was while on this trip that he wrote “It Is Well With My Soul”.

The incredible burden of all those things would have broken many individuals, but Mr. Spafford, having surrendered himself to victory long before, knew exactly where to turn in his greatest times of need.

The hymn is performed beautifully in this video featuring Bill and Gloria Gaither with Guy Penrod and David Phelps:


“Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to His cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!”

He has shed His own blood for you, and for me, and through His sacrifice, our sin was nailed to the cross so that we are able to raise our white flags, surrender ourselves, and claim the victory that leads us to the path of freedom.

May God bless you, keep you safe, and continue to light the way for you.

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“The Obstacle In The Path”

Posted on March 24, 2015 by Tony Casson

The biggest single obstacle blocking any individual’s progress on the path to freedom will always be themselves. Any person who has difficulty accepting the fact that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, was born of a virgin, lived a perfect life, died a horrible death to atone for our sins, was buried and then was raised from the dead to sit at the right hand of God, must first find within themselves the ability to believe this truth.

For many of us, this is a difficult truth to accept. For many of us, the story is just too far-fetched to believe. I know this because for most of my life I refused to accept it myself. From my mid-teens to my mid-fifties, I lived with no belief in God and no understanding of what the death of His Son on the cross meant for me personally. As you will see, I came to accept that truth in a particularly painful way which almost cost me my life. It is my fervent hope and prayer that the recounting of that experience and my personal discovery of the path to freedom might be of value to others. Perhaps the thoughts posted here might help others to  pause and consider their own faith, or lack thereof.  As a result of reading these pages, if just one person begins to follow the path made freely available to us all by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, then God has truly blessed me in a magnificent way.

I was initially raised as a Roman Catholic, but any involvement with the church or its teachings was merely blind obedience to parental instruction. There was never any family discussion centered on the Bible, on God, or on the life and death of Jesus. Ultimately, what I was left with was the impression that God was to be feared and obeyed or we would go to a really, really bad place upon our death. While this is true, that impression leaves us terribly ignorant to important truths about God. Truths such as His abundant and unfailing love for us, His incredible capacity for mercy, grace, and forgiveness, as well as His amazing ability to restore us and renew our lives when we live them in willful disobedience to Him and finally decide to return to His ‘flock’, as I did.

If you are uncomfortable again as a result of the words you are reading, I understand. I was very uncomfortable back in August of 2009 as I lay in a pool of my blood on the floor of a motel shower stall, hovering near death from self-inflicted wounds to both sides of my neck.

But how did I wind up on that shower floor?

Following is an excerpt from an article I wrote in “The Oakdale Chronicles“, a blog which was lovingly maintained for me by family and a friend while incarcerated at the Oakdale, LA federal correctional institution. The article, titled “unspoken“, was written as a ‘speech’ that I would love to give to high school students:

“It has taken tragedy, self-degradation, the embarrassment of myself and my family, loss of respect from others and from myself, a nearly successful suicide attempt, arrest and imprisonment for me to find answers for myself. To find the answers, I needed to discover certain truths about how a life – my life – became so completely and disastrously derailed. I point the finger of blame at no one for anything I have ever done. I hold no one responsible for the multitude of bad decisions I have made in my life, nor do I hold anyone accountable for me being where I am today instead of where I could have been. No one, that is, except for myself. But now, finally, I can see clearly some of the things that were broken early on in my life that could have been fixed and probably would have resulted in my train staying on the track. Oh, I probably would have still been rerouted a time or two, or paused in a siding temporarily, but I quite possibly could have avoided the complete derailment that caused so much damage, created so much havoc and endangered – and cost – so many lives.”

Those broken things I mentioned in that article constituted the first step on the path that I used to be on. It was a selfish, self-centered, and self-destructive path that almost delivered me to a horrible death which would have left painful memories for those who loved me despite the fact I could not love myself. As we continue this journey together, I will attempt to offer clear, concise directions to all who may discover they, too, are headed the wrong way.

When God created mankind He gave us the freedom to make choices.  The Bible offers an excellent definition of freedom and how God intended that freedom to be used: “For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.” (Galatians 5:13 NLT)

 On a low wall on the Penn State University campus is this inscription: “Use Thy Freedom Well”. Like many people, I failed to do that. How about you? How are you using yours?

Until next time, may God touch your heart and help you stay on the “Path To Freedom”.

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“The Beginning Of The Journey”

Posted on March 18, 2015 by Tony Casson

In ancient times, the crucifixion of murderers, bandits, or other enemies of the state was commonplace and the public display of such an extraordinarily cruel and presumably painful method of punishment would likely have provided a deterrent to many who might consider similar actions as those condemned to that fate. It is easy to imagine that such an event drew large crowds, much like the hangings popular in the wild west of this country in the 1800’s.

A little over two thousand years ago, one man in particular was nailed to a cross, along with two robbers, and he hung there until it was determined there was no longer any life in his beaten and bloodied body. This man was different than the men on either side of him,  he was different than all those who were crucified before him, and he was also different from all who would come after him. It is probably safe to assume the crowds for this particular execution were bigger than all others. After all, this was no ordinary robber or murderer. This was the man they called Jesus of Nazareth who was purported to be the long-awaited Messiah.

This was the man who claimed to be the Son of God.

The fact that a man named Jesus died on a cross has never really come into question. Conversely, his claim to be the Son of God has been debated, disputed, and denied ever since. However, if this man’s claim were untrue, I would be unable to type these words you are reading. If this man’s claim were untrue, I would still be a prisoner.

But I am alive today because of his death on the cross, and I am freer than I have been in my entire life. Simply put, my ability to type these words comes from the fact that He is who He claimed to be, and over time I will demonstrate how I have come to believe  this to be true. It is my prayer that, also over time, those who do not believe Jesus of Nazareth truly is the Son of God will come to search their own hearts and discover their own ability to trust that our only Hope is in God, and believe in the truth that He loves each one of us so much He allowed His only begotten Son to die in a horrible manner in order that we all might gain eternal life.

My name is Tony Casson. I am glad you have decided to visit and I hope you come back. I look forward to getting to know you, to all of you getting to know me, and all of us getting to know God.

Come along and discover just how beautiful the path to freedom can be.

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